TSLP Season 4 Ep. 36- Connected Conversations

🎙️ Transformation Station Leadership Podcast
Every conversation is an opportunity to build trust or unintentionally weaken it.

Join me and Sandy Gerber as we discuss Connected Conversations and discover how meaningful communication strengthens relationships, improves teamwork, and creates healthier leadership cultures.

Whether you're leading at work, at home, or in your community, this conversation will equip you to communicate with greater intention and impact.

Learn more about Sandy:
Webiste: https://sandygerber.com
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/sgerber/
YouTube:https://www.youtube.com/@ConnectedConversationsSG

Thanks for tuning in to Transformation Station! If this episode fired you up, smash that subscribe button, share it with someone who’s ready to level up, and tell me the moment that hit hardest. Your voice keeps this movement unstoppable. 

Until next time, stand tall, step bold, and own your transformation.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:19

In a world that is filled with constant notifications and endless meetings and surface level interactions, you know, many of us as leaders, we're communicating more now than ever, but at the same time, we're communicating less. We find that the strongest relationships, the healthiest teams, and the most affected leaders, they understand a powerful truth. And that truth is this connection happens when people feel seen, heard, and understood. I'm looking forward to diving into this conversation. So come on, let's get started. I'm your host, Adrian Benton, and today we're discussing a topic that impacts every relationship, every team, and every leadership role. Notice I keep using that word every. We're talking about connected conversations. And today I have Sandy who's with me, and we're going to explore how intentional communication, how it can create stronger relationships, deeper trust, and healthier workspaces. But before you meet Sandy and we dive into this conversation, I want to remind you about a few upcoming events. Number one, you know, we have our mobilizing prayer circle because we believe the community that prays together, we get a chance to see miracles together. And so every month we meet, our next upcoming mobilizing prayer circle is Sunday, July 12th. You see there's various times on there. CET, that's the European time zone. EST, that's time in the United States. So you can kind of judge off of those two as to what time you'll be able, it will be for you. In the description box, you will see the link. I want you to go ahead and click on that link so you can get the Zoom link to be able to be with us. And then here's the thing: as always, we tell you, make sure you don't come to these events by yourself. We want you to bring other leaders with you. So I'm inviting you to bring at least five other leaders with you to the mobilizing prayer circle on July 12th. And then we also have our lead her shift webinar that meets once a month. In the month of June, we had Dr. Gray, who was with us, the confidence coach. It was fantastic. Well, in July, we have with us Christine Valdez, who is going to talk with us about leading without lowering our standards. Come on now, I know that that title already resonated with you. You're excited. So, what I need you to do is go ahead and click on the link that you see in the description box and register. Register, get the Zoom link and join us because we're going to have a conversation. She's going to share some gems and wisdom with us, and then we'll get a chance to talk with each other and leave that webinar inspired to continue to grow. You don't want to miss either one of those. Now, it's time to get this conversation started. I want to tell you a little bit about our guest today. Her name is Sandy. Sandy is a communication coach, emotional intelligence trainer, and best-selling author of Emotional Magnetism, which has won 24 international book awards. Sandy's mission is to help people to have connected conversations. She's ranked as number 16 in the world's 2026, world's top 30 communication professionals by global gurus and the 2025 Women of Influence Creative Innovator. She also won a limbo contest at 14. And she in which she insists is still one of her proudest accomplishments. It is my absolute honor at this time to welcome Sandy. We're so glad that you're here with us on Transformation Station Leadership Podcast. Welcome.

SPEAKER_01 4:31

Thank you so much, Adrian. I'm thrilled to be here. I'm excited for our conversation.

SPEAKER_02 4:35

Absolutely. So, you know, Sandy, in preparation for a conversation today, I was thinking about a few things. I'll start off with this. One, as a leader who's been leading for over two decades, right? I was thinking that many of the leadership challenges that I have faced aren't actually leadership problems. Quite a few of them are communication problems, right? Like misunderstandings that created conflict, assumptions that sometimes I allow to create distance in the workplace between me and my team members, silence, sometimes seeing things and not saying anything, which at times created confusion. And, you know, in preparing for this, as I thought about connected conversations, you know, I was thinking that, man, a meaningful conversation at times would have had the power to restore trust. It would have had the power to um create psychological safety in the environment and to strengthen my team. So I want to start off by asking you this question. We're talking about connected conversations. So what does a connected conversation, what does that mean to you? Um, and then why is it so important for leaders in today's fast-paced world?

SPEAKER_01 5:46

Thank you. A connected conversation, it came over 25 years of work. It got to that term, but a connected conversation is really simple, Adrian. It's essentially how you're talking to yourself, how you're talking in your relationships, how you're talking as a leader, even to an audience, and making sure that you're present in that moment so that you feel truly heard, seen, and valued. So it's not that easy to do, right? We're always focused on the past, things that happened, what we're craving, what we're avoiding, what we're gonna say next. And so it's really important that we're focused in this very moment on our body language, our active listening, the emotionally intelligent tools that you can use to communicate, to connect. So that's what a connected conversation is. It takes training. You don't just fall into it, you have to learn these skills. And then why it's so important is because we really are yearning for connection in the world right now, especially with the advancement of technology. We truly are yearning to connect.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

Leaders, you know that here in Transformation Station, we always take a moment to pause and to kind of assess and figure out what's resonating with us. I want you to already begin to just stop and consider what is resonating with you from what Sandy is already sharing with us. And as you heard her talk about connected conversation, I'm inviting you right now in the chat. Tell us what does connected conversation mean, what does that phrase mean to you? Right? We're talking about the difference. Sandy, if I heard you correctly, we're talking about the difference between um talking and connecting, um, which to me instantly brings to mind intentional listening, right? And I love the word you use, present. You know, I heard a phrase, I heard somebody say one time, um, to be present is a present, right? It really is a gift, right? To be present, present emotionally, present, you know, mentally, present with through our awareness. Um that sometimes, and I found that being a leader, sometimes just communicating, not even always with saying words, I'm here with you in this moment. Man, that many times will build trust so much faster than so many other ways that we we seek to uh to do. What do you think?

SPEAKER_01 8:01

Yeah, yeah, I totally agree. I mean, the thing is, I've I've been an employee, I've been an executive, I've been a leader, um, entrepreneur, all aspects of the work environment. And the one thing that's constant through all of those that's consistent is the need to make other people feel heard. I mean, you have to be able to connect with your team. As a leader, you're modeling the behaviors. And if you're not actively listening, if you're not connecting with people, that it's very difficult to get that volume from your team. One of the questions I always coach our leaders to do is to look at the team and ask four words. What do you need? That drops you right into the present moment. It's such a powerful question to ask, not only in your professional life, but in your personal life as well, because it brings you back into that moment. And a lot of us haven't been trained in formal communication skills. So we've just picked this stuff up from our family, you know, our family, our work environments, obstacles we've overcome. Most of us have learned to communicate by failing at communication.

SPEAKER_02 9:08

Mercy. That's a point right there to just stop and process for a moment. It and it's true, it's really true. Um, and one of the things when you were talking just now, I was thinking how important it is that as leaders, we ask questions. And so, to all the leaders that are here, we want to give you a best practice which says enter important conversations with curiosity rather than with assumption, right? Ask questions, seek to understand before you seek to be understood. We're talking about connected conversations. So, so Sandy, what are some of the biggest communication barriers that prevent leaders from building meaningful relationships at work and at home?

SPEAKER_01 9:51

So I think of communication as really three stages: emotionally intelligent communication. First stage is really being aware. We need to recognize how are we communicating and not in a way of just our delivery, but what are people actually doing when we speak? Are they reacting well to what we're saying? Are we even paying attention to their body language? Um, and paying attention to your presence as a communicator. So being aware, what is it that you emotionally need to be happy, to be expressive, to be engaged? That's the first piece. The second is to look at how are you actually expressing yourself? Are you doing it in a way that's exuded confidence, comfort, trust? Are you providing an openness and space for your team to communicate with you? And looking at the ways and the tools that you can leverage what you have already and become an even stronger communicator to yourself, to your relationships and to an audience. And the third is really how do you engage and maintain that connection? And this is the hardest part, Adrian. We don't typically know how to maintain that connected conversation. So you think about relationships on your teams, relationships in your personal life, you know, they don't just end, they tend to drift. And so what happens is you decide over time to stop making those daily communication choices. And because of that, things start drifting apart or assumptions start creeping in. So it's really essential that when we're looking at how to remove barriers, if we're not connecting well with someone, you got to ask yourself as a leader, okay, how aware am I of the way I'm communicating and how it's being received? How well am I expressing myself? And how much energy and effort am I putting into maintaining and engaging my team? And when you're really honest with yourself as a leader, that's when you start seeing the areas for improvement.

SPEAKER_02 11:50

I love that. So, leaders, this is like she gave us a three-step formula right here, right? One, she said, for us to be aware. So I'm gonna invite you right now to go ahead and write this down, put this in your journal, type it into your notes, this three-step model right here. Be aware and ask yourself, how aware am I of the culture, the building there, the environment, of what's happening with my employees, even your own ability to self-regulate, right? Number two, how are you expressing yourself? You know, Sandy, I this one resonated with me because there was a time in my leadership where I thought I had this impression of how I was leading, right? And I thought that, you know, I was doing the best and the most, and and my team was perceiving something totally different. My messaging was off. My messaging was off. And leaders, we invite you to take some time. How are you expressing yourself? What messaging are you putting? Does the does the messaging that you're giving to your team does that align with who you have decided you want to be as a leader? And are you leading by example? And then I love this one. How do you engage and maintain connections? How do you engage on a on a regular basis? And then that maintaining piece, that's the piece where the real work comes in, right? Main maintaining. Um, you know, I was reading something recently that said that as leaders, our teams should know what to expect. Nobody's perfect, right? So, you know, yes, you will have a bad day too, you know, things, but but they should they should know what to expect, you know. When when you come into work, they should know to expect the mood, the attitude. They should know what to expect, the flow of the day, right? And when there's that uncertainty there, many times that also leads to this connection, right?

SPEAKER_01 13:39

What are you what do you think? It's also that like we need to be aware that as a leader, we net we need to have necessary or difficult conversations all the time. And so, in those conversations, that's where you're tested the most, right? On your communication and your emotional intelligence. So, looking at how can I create a tool, how can I leverage a tool, and that's my whole mission, is to simplify communication for people so that they can have a tool in their pocket that they can pull out immediately when they need it. And so when I look at difficult and engaging, engaging people in a necessary conversation, that's where us leaders we're mostly tested. So we want to be looking at having a connected conversation, really making that person feel seen and heard, and using the tools to make that happen. So, for example, let's say you have to have as a leader a difficult conversation about performance with someone. Then what typically we'll do is we'll say, we need to talk. I'm just gonna tell everybody right now, stop saying that, right? The worst phrase that you can say because we feel automatically on the defense. It's never meant I bought you a puppy, you know, it's like never been a positive thing. So when we actually are working to engage our team and maintain that connection, it's being a human being and talking to another human being. You know, there's something I want to share with you, and I think it's gonna improve your performance. That's a different approach than saying we need to talk, come into the principal's office, you know. So looking at that and having the tools, using the tools that I'll share to really help you structure your content. A lot of the time we have mulled it over in our mind, we know what we're gonna say, we've rehearsed. When the moment comes, we kind of flounder or we get very matter-of-fact, and we've lost that empathetic feel. We've lost the filter that helps us see this person as a human being who needs to feel seen and heard. So, using these little pocket tools is how we learn to become better leaders.

SPEAKER_02 15:37

I love that. All right, leaders, what's resonating with you from what this masterclass that Sandy has given us, which I'm in love with right now? This is fantastic. I want you to go ahead and put in the chat not only where you're listening or you're watching from, but I also want you to go ahead and put what is resonating with you. What already are you hearing and understanding that you can put into practice today? Sandy, let me ask you this question. How can leaders create environments where our teams, where people feel safe enough to have honest and meaningful conversations with us?

SPEAKER_01 16:41

It's really important now, especially now, the way the world is and all that's act happening and all the stuff that's distracting us from what we need to be doing. As a leader, we first and foremost have to model connection, right? So we have to go out of our way to make connection with our team. So whether that's beyond the daily huddle, beyond the meetings, right? A one-on-one connection. I I refer to this tool called honest questions. And honest questions is really a tool that you can use to craft your messaging so that you get a response from someone that goes deeper, right? So when we're coming in as a leader on a Monday morning and we're talking to the team, we'll often say, How was your weekend? Or did you have a good weekend? And we end up with just a little kind of grunt or a quick two or three-word response. Instead, I ask my, I ask my leaders to say, what's a different question you could ask that you don't know the response that would actually open the door to connection? And one of those would be, what surprised you about the weekend? You don't know what that question's gonna, the answer is gonna be. And what happens is you're throwing the net open. You're saying to them, you matter to me on the team. And I'm gonna spend two minutes here as we're getting our coffee or as we're starting the meeting to have that connection. And that person won't forget it. So it goes with personal relationships as well. When someone you love comes home, you ask them, How was your day? And they say, Fine. Instead of that, think of a creative way to ask them a question that you don't know the answer to. Like, what made you smile at work today? You know, what was the challenge you overcame at work today? So be a little back to your curiosity, Adrian. Be more curious. Ask an honest question that you truly want to know the response to, and your team will never forget that. That is how we create engagement and loyalty with our team. I had three businesses, and the staff followed me from each business to the next business because I knew what they emotionally needed to be happy, and we'll talk about that later. But knowing what they need emotionally and making sure that you're structuring projects and uh responsibilities to align to that means you're gonna have an engaged team. But also being a human that's modeling connection. We are so, as I said, yearning for it. So to have a leader who's actually doing that takes a minute out of their day to ask us a question that we didn't expect. We remember that.

SPEAKER_02 19:07

I love this. I love this. And you really just challenged me just now. You know, we were talking about being curious, and I love the way you frame that that question. What made you smile today? I instantly thought of my team, you know, and one of the things that we started there, there's something called table topics. Amazon sells them, and they have table topics for almost every topic you could think of. Um, but I bought a couple of those and I've started using them to start off my staff meetings. And each person chooses a card and then they choose somebody on the team to ask the question too. And it's been a great way. I've noticed that the the meeting people tend to feel more connected as we're going through, and they're more in tune with each other and more willing to help resolve things in a different way than if we just started the meeting cold and went straight uh into business. So that's right.

SPEAKER_01 19:56

One other thing that you can also consider as a leader, too, at the beginning of your meetings is to also share about yourself, right? So create that space. Think about your laying out the table. You're basically saying, here's something that I was challenged with today, and sharing that. Because we don't just want to say, oh, I had a great weekend, I did this and I did that. They actually want to follow someone that's emulating um that they've overcome an obstacle, that they've worked through some kind of difficulty. And so I'll often start a meeting by saying, one of the biggest challenges I had this morning was this, and this is how I overcame it. Or often the biggest thing that people are challenging with right now in the world is this inner talk. It's our inner critic, it's our you know, self-talk. Uh, Queen's University in Ontario, Canada did a study and they found that on average, we have 6,200 thoughts a day. 6200. Yeah. And of that, 80% of them are negative. And of that, 90% are repetitive. So if you think about that, every single one of your people on your team are sitting around with a negative playlist looping in their head, even as you're speaking. And so it's really important to model look, you know what? I woke up and my inner voice said this, my self-talk was this. Does anyone else want to share how they've been working with their inner critic? Like just break it down into a more humane, authentic conversation, and your engagement on your team will skyrocket.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

I love this. Leaders, what is resonating with you from what Sandy is sharing with us? I want you to go ahead and put it in the comment section and we will share it on a future episode, I promise you. So let's ask this question because I know that there are some listeners that are lit listeners that are listening and viewers that are watching that are thinking this, right? So we talk about conflict. We've mentioned that a couple of times, right? Conflict is inevitable in relationships and in teams. But Sandy, how can connected conversations help leaders to navigate disagreements more effectively?

SPEAKER_01 21:57

Yeah. So you, the one of the tools that I share, that's a connected conversation tool, is called the Honest Sandwich. And so, as I said, I mine have names because I was a marketer and also they're easy to remember, but also they're quick tools that I can pull out of my pocket. I was a nonfiction and research fan for over a decade on this stuff, but I found that I didn't have a tool to pull. So honest sandwich is one that I've trained thousands of people in this in customer service, conflict management, risk. And really, it's a structure that will help you to form your message in a heated moment, right? Conflict makes us feel all sorts of things. It doesn't matter who's on the side of the table. So when we look at this tool, it's three steps. And what you're gonna do is you're gonna think to yourself okay, I have to address this conflict, I have to have this conversation. You're going to start with something we usually don't. You're going to start with how you feel. We usually will start with this is a situation. You did this. I want to talk about this problem, that kind of thing. But when you start with, I feel blank, that person doesn't feel defensive right away because it's about you. So immediately they're put at ease. This isn't something they've done wrong. You're just going to say, I want to share how I'm feeling right now. I feel a little frustrated that you cut me off in the meeting. And so that's it. You're just saying that. You're telling the person, this is what I feel. Then you move into what you need. So you're going to say, I felt frustrated, I was cut off in the meeting. I need to feel that my opinion is valued. I need to feel like an important member of your team. So I'm just saying, in this scenario. And that person all of a sudden realizes, okay, you're not focused in the what-ifs and how dare they. They're focused on what you're saying because you've you're sharing what you feel, what you need. And now you move them forward in the conversation. Many times we'll stop there and people start spiraling and making up stuff. So what you want to do is take them forward. So you go, I feel frustrated I was in the conversation, cut off in the conversation. I need to feel valued. Going forward, or next time, could you please ask for my opinion before you move on? So what you've done is you've modeled a very organized, structured way to share a message in a non-emotional way, in a way that connects with people because you're sharing what you feel you need and what's going to happen going forward. And it helps two of you come together to solve the solution. So it's very powerful to think of it as feel, need forward. What do I feel? What do I need? How do we do this going forward? And it helps you structure your content so you're emotionally intelligent in that conversation.

SPEAKER_02 24:36

Wow. I'm loving these formulas that you're giving us, right? Simple and practical. I feel X, Y, and Z. I need X, Y, and Z going forward. And I love the fact that it ends with forward, right? And you're right. Many times we stay with I need and we rest right there, right? But going forward, I think that allows hope. And that shows that we can move past this, right? Together. Uh Lena.

SPEAKER_01 25:03

Sorry, I was just gonna say, Adrian, it gives them direction, and that's what we're looking for. When we're having any type of conflict, we want a resolution, but more than anything, we want direction, knowing that it's coming out of conflict and into some sort of agreement.

SPEAKER_02 25:17

I love this. This has been a great conversation. I don't want to end now. It's been so good. But listen, as we turn the corner in this conversation, let me ask you this question. For the leader that's listening and watching that wants to improve their communication skills today, what is one simple change that they can immediately make to create a stronger connection?

SPEAKER_01 25:43

Immediately, what they need to do is figure out what's driving them emotionally. They need to know because that's dictating every single conversation that they had. So understand if you're motivated, I call them emotional magnets, but understand if you're motivated by safety, by achievement, by value, or by experience. Then you'll know why you're saying what you're doing and why you're reacting to things. So awareness number one. I'd also add start looking at how people are reacting to what you're saying. Are you paying attention to their body language and what they're doing in response to what you're saying? Are they leaning forward? Are their hands blocking their face to give them some space from you? Are they distracted? Just pay attention to how people are reacting to you because a lot of the time we're so focused on what to say, we're not paying attention to how it's landing.

SPEAKER_02 26:31

I love it. I love it. I need you guys, leaders, go ahead in the comment section and just go ahead and share with Sandy and I what is your takeaway from this conversation that we're having today about connected communication. Sandy, I know that there are listeners and viewers that want to be able to reach out to you, reach out to your resources, ask you questions. What's the best way for us to do that?

SPEAKER_01 26:55

So every I'd love to have them connect with me. They can reach out to me on my website, sandygerber.com, or they can hear every week on my podcast, Magnetic Communication. I give a 10-minute communication tool. So just 10 minutes every Tuesday, where they can use it right away in their communication. So they could find that there or my book, Emotional Magnetism. It's available everywhere. Love it.

SPEAKER_02 27:18

All right, leaders, there you have it. You know what we do here. We love to connect with our guests and support. So I'm inviting you to go ahead and click on the link that is below. You see it on the screen, but click on the link in the description box. Reach out to Sandy, get her resources, the book, ask her questions, and most importantly, let her know that you saw, that you heard this particular episode. Let her know what resonated with you because we know the community that learns together, grows together. Sandy, it has been wonderful to have you with us here on Transformation Station today. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 27:49

Thank you, Adrian. Thank you so much for inviting me to your community, your amazing community, and all you're doing for leadership. I appreciate you.

SPEAKER_02 27:57

Thank you. What a meaningful conversation we've had today. All right. So let me tell you, one of the biggest lessons that I receive from today's episode is that communication is more than exchanging information, it's about building connection. Connected conversations will strengthen our relationships, will improve our teamwork, and deepen the trust and when we're creating environments where our people, our teams, feel valued and understood. Special thank you to Sandy for sharing her insights and her wisdom and practical strategies with us today. Now, for you, I'm going to share this with you. Here's your invitation. Take a moment this week to slow down, listen intentionally, ask thoughtful questions, and create space for meaningful conversations. Because sometimes the most powerful leadership tool is not a strategy, a plan, or a title. It's a conversation. Thank you for joining us today on Transformation Station Leadership Podcast. Be sure to subscribe, share this episode with at least five other leaders in your network, and invite someone else into this conversation. So until next time, continue transforming from the inside out. Continue leading with intention and mobilizing forward with impact.