TSLP Season 4 Ep. 2- Never Start With Why

What if one of the most common leadership phrases we hear is actually leading us in the wrong direction?

In this thought-provoking episode of the Transformation Station Leadership Podcast, I sit down with David Ask to explore the powerful idea: Never Start With Why. Together, we unpack why leaders can sometimes become so focused on purpose statements and big-picture messaging that they overlook the clarity, trust, and actionable direction people actually need first.

David shares a fresh perspective on how leaders can communicate vision in a way that creates alignment, builds momentum, and helps teams move from understanding to action. This conversation challenges conventional thinking and offers practical insight for leaders who want to inspire real commitment, not just agreement.

If you’re ready to rethink how vision, purpose, and communication work together in leadership, this episode will stretch your thinking in the best way.

Learn more about David:
Website: https://theaskexperience.com
Linkedin: https://www.linkedin.com/in/thedavidask/

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Until next time, stand tall, step bold, and own your transformation.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:19

Listen, we've all heard leaders say start with why. Well, what if the real foundation of leadership isn't why? What if it's who? Well, today on Transformation Station, we're unpacking why the most effective leaders don't begin with purpose alone. Let's get this conversation started. Welcome to Translation Station Leadership Podcast, where leaders grow with clarity, resilience, and purpose. I hope and today's episode challenges our common leadership belief and invites us to go deeper. Because before you and I as leaders can fully live out our purpose, we must understand who we are, our identity, our values, and the foundation that takes every decision we make. I'm so excited about it. And so we have an amazing guest who is joining us today. And he's not amazing guest because he's an amazing activity. He's going to help us today to learn how to anchor our leadership. So before you meet him, I want to just remind you, Transformation Station Leadership Community, we meet twice a week, Monday and Wednesday. So make sure you have so that you don't miss one episode of all this leadership goodness. Also, I want to remind you that we have a virtual coming up. Now you know in January, we have the first lead virtual shift conference. Over 400 of you registered in amazing virtual conference. We're going to have the lead virtual virtual adjustment. And the focus of this one to remind us what things are going to happen to you when they happen. It's an indication that you may just need to adjust. So March 13th has already come and gone. If you have not registered, you need to go ahead and go to mobilizingwithimpact.com now and yourself. Make sure that you invite another woman in your own. It is time. That's right. It is time for us to move forward into our conversation today. Let me tell you about our guest. Our guest, his name is David. David Ask is an entrepreneur, an inventor, and identity coach. From bringing his invention to over 3,700 retail stores to coaching high-performing leaders through identity for transformation. David Aff helps people discover who they are before chasing what they do. His mission to build grit, awaken purpose, and reveal the hidden witches inside everyone. And uh-oh, listen, he can sing like Votelli. I can't wait for you to meet him. Let's do it right now. David, welcome to Transformation Leadership Podcast.

SPEAKER_00 3:37

I'm so glad to be here. And I just absolutely love just your whole vibe. This is uh this is great. I'm kind of fired up right now after listening to your intro.

SPEAKER_02 3:46

Well, I'm fired up and ready to get this conversation started. So let's do just that. You know, as I was thinking about uh preparing for this episode, I was thinking to myself that personally as a leader, I have learned through the years that leadership becomes more effective when it flows from identity rather than obligation, right? When I know who I am, then my decisions become clearer, my communication becomes stronger, my influence becomes more consistent. So I want to start off with this question. As we look at the work that you do, right? What does the phrase never start with why, start with who? What does that mean? And tell us from your experience, why is identity such a foundational starting point for leadership?

SPEAKER_00 4:34

Yeah, that's such a great question. Thanks for keying that up. You know, obviously, the you know, the this idea of never starting with why, you know, I I remember, you know, reading Simon Sinek's book, you know, Start With Why, you know, years ago. It's fabulous, by the way. So I'm not taking a dig there really. I think that I think what's kind of fascinating is um that quite often, you know, we we have a sense of why we want to do something, you know, like and people always use the phrase our why. You gotta have a why. I I agree, you know, and and it kind of depends on who you're with, and because your why is different depending on who's in front of you and that kind of thing, right? And but what's fascinating is is if you haven't done a little bit of you know deep work, you know, you haven't tried to understand what's under the hood and how did, you know, how was I fashioned, you know, I didn't make I didn't make me, right? So so there's a there's a bit of humility that starts just with this idea that I am a created being. And I have to, you know, it's a popular one here and it makes sense with you and me. I didn't choose my skin color, right? Well, that's an easy that's an easy one. Well, I didn't choose my eye color or my taste buds, or you know, when I was born or which family I was born and my DNA and my fingerprint and my retina. And but here's what's fascinating is the I'm kind of jumping into the deep end of the pool real quickly here, but so when when children, you know, are growing up, you know, they're not thinking about authenticity and identity and all the you know mission and purpose and why and all this kind of thing. It's they're just acting, you know, natural, they're just acting normal, they're acting genuine, they're acting authentically, they're doing what comes very um just from their core, right? It's who they are, they're just doing their deal. And and we as adults start to you know play all these head games and start, you know, questioning everything, and part of that's very appropriate and normal, by the way. But I think it's really important to understand that we are a created fashioned being, and we're and I believe we're made in the image of God, and and he made us fantastic. So when you start to identify, right, the word identity, you start to identify all the things inside of you that that you kind of stand upon, your values and virtues and convictions and what gives you goosebumps and things. Well, guess what? And this is to answer your question: your why becomes your why. And you're not your mom or dad, not your you know, somebody you respect. It it you start to actually drill into what are the things that rise to the top for me. So that's kind of a lot of there. So yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:18

Yeah, no, that's fantastic. I agree with you 1000%. So every leader that's watching and listening right now, you know, David is starting us off right hitting the ground, right? It's really important that you understand you while how you are fashioned, the value that you bring, what you bring to the table, what comes with you in every room, this helps to guide who you are as a leader. So let me ask you this question, David. How does understanding who you are change the way we make decisions, the way we, because we're talking to leaders here, right? The way we lead others and the way that we build meaningful careers or missions. How does understanding who we are change these things?

SPEAKER_00 8:00

Yeah, yeah. So it's so I I would say it's probably maybe the better language would be how does it inform you know those things? And and again, I do think that you're probably right, it changes them because quite often, you know, we feel like we're we're off track, right, in certain points in life. And we're we feel this discordance with you know the person that I kind of want to be that I might not even have a language for, or I might not even have the courage to pursue, by the way. And you know, this idea that I'm um, you know, I'm feeling stuck or I'm feeling apathetic or avoidant. So yes, it does change, but I would say first and foremost, when you know, when we have some self-awareness, um, you know, it starts to inform our decisions. So, so again, this is it sounds a a bit deep here, but I don't know any other way to go there. So, what is it that makes up a who? Right? When when somebody says, Who are you? Well, there's a there's a there's a variety of things that describe you know someone's nature. So you can talk about physical attributes, which are very important, you know. I mean everything from people can run faster or golf better or jump higher or you know, sing better, all that kind of thing, right? Um and then also what about values? So you know, we hear a lot, especially in the corporate you know, side of things, we hear you know corporations talking about core values. Well, these are our core values, right? That's really important, but typically it's on the wall in the lobby as you walk by and nobody ever you know pays attention to them again because it's more marketing than it is actually an ethos on how we operate. But what if what if a person doesn't have a hierarchy of values? Right? What if what what if they are extrinsically motivated? What if they're into and I've been there by the way. What if you're people pleasing? What if you're fear-based and you're you walk into a room and you're kind of reading the room thinking, you know, how do I get by better in here, avoid less pain, or get more attaboys or applause? Like you're you're you're constantly looking for that external or extrinsic feedback as opposed to you enter a room and you know the hierarchy of things that rise to the top for you, and you operate in that intrinsic capacity. So, so for instance, um the values portion here probably is the is the most important. So I'll I'll drill into this just a little bit. My my buddy Dr. Andy Garrett and I, you know, we coach individuals and corporations and stuff through all this identity work. And so here's what's fascinating. He says that the um, you know, the values, for instance, if you were to do a core values assessment, and he he does this in such a way that is super uh maybe maybe the word is elementary. So you have a sheet of paper with you know 80 or 90, you know, core values, you know, in the English language, any writ anyway written on them. And if you have a room of 100 people, you know, or so, and you kind of put a check mark next to the values that kind of resonate with you, and then you're asked, hey, let's narrow that down to 20. Now let's narrow that down to 10. Now let's narrow that down to five. And you put those in order. Well, guess what? There's there's there's a hierarchy of things that rise to the top for you versus me. And everybody in that room is gonna have, you know, for the most part, a a bit of a different set of top core values. It's not that we don't embody the rest of those, but there's there's certain things that seem to rise to the top for us. And if you couple that with you know, virtues, which is kind of this idea of an outward, you know, type of an impact, that dent in the universe thing, uh, versus um convictions, right? What do you believe is right and wrong? Well, values, virtues, and convictions are different, and most people don't have a real clear understanding of those those things that are super meaningful to them. But so now you've got okay, what is it that makes a who, right? You've got all the physical attributes, you've got values, convictions, and virtues. And I got this from a Nissan commercial. What is it that gives your goosebumps goosebumps?

SPEAKER_01 12:06

You know, what is it?

SPEAKER_00 12:07

What is it that puts that lump in your throat in a good way? You know, what is it that you know, how about how about this? My buddy Quentin Hafner wrote the book uh Go Next Level, and he he says some things that help you drill into your, you know, your who you are is what is it that breaks your heart? What is it that infuriates you? What is it you know that lights you up? Like what is it that is just sets your heart on fire, right?

SPEAKER_01 12:33

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

So some of these things are are very um um, how about this? They're ordinary, meaning you can actually put words to them very quickly. Some of them need a narrative, right? Some of those things that describe our souls need a bit of a narrative. So if you couple all of those things together, you start to, you know, get a you start this, you start to identify, right? The word identity, all the things that you identify with, as opposed to your mom or dad or brother or Joe Rogan or you know, somebody you might admire. It's it's it's you you understand this is who I am, this is what I love, this is what lights me up, and this is what doesn't. You get really clear on the doesn't even. And so so the identity statement, I think it was um, oh, for heaven's sakes, who was it first that said people like us do things like this? Seth Godin, maybe. Um, so I love that phrase, right? What if can I mean, so to your listener, can you say with specific language, someone like me, I do things like this? I mean, that's it starts to shape your your I mean your why then. Your why becomes your why as opposed to just this kind of vague understanding of what works, what doesn't. I'm looking for for kind of happiness and comfort as opposed to I'm David Osk, and I'm looking for mission and purpose and impact so that when I see my unique shaped dent, right, in somebody else, I I not only have the satisfaction that I moved someone, but I can I get to see it. I get the joy of seeing my impact and and and ultimately the way God made me, right? Because I I didn't make me. And so he gets the glory, I get the joy, and we get to do it again and again. And it's just it's it becomes fantastic.

SPEAKER_02 14:27

Love it. I love it 1000%. And so, to all of our listeners and watchers, leaders, listen, I'm asking you right now to go ahead in the chat and share with David and I what is resonating with you. We're talking about leadership, we're talking about identity, we're talking about clarity. What's resonating with you right now? Go ahead and share it, and we'll be sure, I'll be sure to share it on a future episode. So, you know, as you were talking, for me, I was thinking about this, and I want to share this with you. You know, when we talk about knowing who we are, it brings clarity to decision making. Because, like you have been saying this whole time, when you know who you are, decisions become anchored in values rather than emotion, fear, or external pressure. And this is really important because I think this is a place where many leaders sometimes get tripped up in their leadership because they're operating not in their value system, but they're operating out of emotions, how I feel at the moment. I feel upset, I feel tense, I feel angry, I feel afraid, I'm gonna respond based on that, or external pressure. They're telling me I'm behind or I have to meet this mark, as opposed to operating through their value system, right? Remembering honesty and integrity and compassion and all those things. So, to our leaders, we want to give you a leadership principle. Clear identity produces clear decisions, period.

SPEAKER_00 15:47

And and you know what? So I I literally about a year ago thought about launching just a course on how to make better decisions. Can you imagine how many people would be like, oh my gosh, I have not only made bad decisions, I've doubled down on really horrible decisions. Why? And and I mean you start looking in the mirror over and over, and I've been there, by the way. Heck, every you know, every day or two I make a stupid decision, and I have to course correct back to you know my values and what what's really important here. But but ultimately your life is built upon decision making. The decisions you make yesterday are going to form today and next week and next month, and and pretty soon, you know, it's like, oh my gosh, I'm either grateful that I course corrected and made better decisions that met, you know, built a more fulfilling and relationship-driven life, or I get you know a year or two down the road and I'm like, oh my gosh, this is my fault, right? I blamed everyone around me and didn't do some of the deep work, and now all of a sudden I'm in the ditch and I don't know how to get out.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

Very sweet. So then let me ask you this, right? What do you see as the main obstacles for people finding success? What are the main obstacles?

SPEAKER_00 17:37

Yeah, so you know, obviously, there I think that when a lot of people think of success, they think of you know money. And you know what, I'll be honest, it's really important. You know, I mean, I I I heard somebody say one time, money is like air. Try to live without it. Right, see, you know, and and and and here's a funny thing is if if you are if you're struggling financially, so you have personal and professional, let's just maybe just you know, kind of put the two camps out there. If you're struggling, you know, on a on a professional level and you're worried about how to put food on the table, right? You're like, man, I'm not I'm not sure how to pay my rent next month or something like that, you know what, you're probably not in Mr. You know, or Mrs. You know, development mode, personal development mode. You know, you're worried about making ends meet. So, so I think that success, I'll although it is it's very holistic, right? If you don't have great relationships in your life and you know your family is fallen apart, I mean, that's a tough one. But if you can't put food on the table and you're worried about where you know you're gonna eat dog food when you're 70 years old because you didn't save for retirement, that's a tough one. So I think that you know the precursor is it's kind of multifaceted. You know, it's there's there's not just one little silver bullet, right? We're we're we're we are creatures who are um you know made made to be nurtured and loved. Um I I often use this quote uh by Benjamin Disraeli, former PM of England back in the 1800s, and he says, the greatest good you can do for another is not to share with him your riches, but to but to reveal to him his own. And and I'll be honest, I think that you know that yes, we can identify all of these things about ourselves, but unless someone comes along and loves us, you know, i.e. our parents, right, and says, I see these things in you and I love what I see. That's the fuel then that that tends to galvanize and grow all of the really the things that we so long to want to believe that are true about ourselves. So so I think that that success, you know, starts young. It starts with some vulnerability, it starts with some self-awareness, it starts with you know those around us, you know, calling us up and calling us out and naming us and and um and saying those things like, you know, what I see in you, I love. Like that's fantastic. I hope you do more of that. And I love your impact. Like we we need to be watered, right? We need to be loved. So, but here's here's a funny thing too is um I think that you know, quite often we um we don't realize as we get older that we become like the people we spend the most time with. Yes, when we're growing up, we need to be nurtured and loved and raised, right? Not just provided for. We need to be raised, you know, which is caused to rise. But I also believe that when we get older, we need to have wonderful, you know, uh life-giving people in our lives that continue to nurture us. We are by design those who need to, you know, loan courage or borrow courage, right? Life is hard, and that's where we get the word encouragement. I mean, we were literally designed to give it and we were designed to receive it. And it's because we live in a world at war, right? It's it's life is hard, it's brutal sometimes. So I think that first and foremost, you know, success is you know being surrounded by amazing people who love you and encourage you and lift you up.

SPEAKER_02 21:21

I love that. I love that again to our amazing community right now. I want to invite you to go ahead in the chat and share with us what is resonating from this conversation. This is really it's one of those reflective conversations. This is where we get a chance to engage as community. So share with us right now in the chat, or you can send a DM if you're listening. What is resonating with you as David is sharing with us? David, I want to ask you this question, right? We're gonna stick with this three number. What are the top three things that we need in our life to break through obstacles? You mentioned something earlier about life is life is tough. Everybody has something that they're working through in one or more areas of their life, right?

SPEAKER_01 22:04

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 22:05

So, what would you say to the leaders that are listening and watching right now? What would you say are like the top three things that we need in our lives to break through the obstacles that we face?

SPEAKER_00 22:16

Wow. You know what? I'm gonna I'm gonna kind of punch through a wall here. I I think that I think there's a big difference between someone who is uh feeling down or low, you know, someone struggling, and someone who is humble. They're very different. So I I would say the first one is humility. I think I think that that quite often, you know, my biggest problem isn't is not anybody else, it's me. I'm not willing to look at someone else and say, You know, and I think this is I'll just speak for men, right? I think men in general have a hard time saying, I have a need. I'm struggling and I don't know how to navigate what's happening inside of me. I have imposter syndrome and fear, and you know, I'm feeling like I'm I'm not enough and I'm ill equipped. And the funny thing is, is we're right. It's right. You're you're probably way worse off than you think you are. And but but what? You know, I again I I look at this from a top-down um you know perspective. You know, I I think it might have been C.S. Lewis back in the day when he said, you know, yeah, you're way worse off than you think you are, but you're way more loved and accepted, you know, by God than you ever thought possible. So I think that humility is a chosen place, you know, from a position of strength. It's it's standing on a on a firm ground and letting someone speak into your life. Because if I knew how to figure this out, I would. But I was designed to be needy, right? That's not a bad thing. I have needs, I have all that kind of stuff. So I need I need the older shall raise the younger. I need I need to stand on the shoulders of those who've gone before me. I need other people to speak into my life. In fact, sometimes I need somebody to call me out and say, hey dude, if you're having a problem, is because you can't get out of your own way, and you need to you need to just just be quiet and listen. So humility is really a wonderful place to to accept see a new perspective and to be like, oh my gosh, I I don't have to be pretending anymore. So so the I think the second one would you know would be some self-awareness, like you know, understanding, you know, you know, whose you are and who you are, and on a very granular level. And then I think number three would be, you know, just surround yourself with people. I I'm gonna butcher this quote, but for some reason I I woke up thinking about it. It might have been John Elbridge, where he says, surround yourself with like-minded kings and then sign alliances with them. And I just think, man, there's a big difference between a a king or queen mentality, right? Like where you're where you see, you know, my kingdom with a little K is everything that I can see, I can touch. And and I have I I've been commanded to to to have dominion over that, to have kind of a weird word there, right? As opposed to what I am an imposter, I'm a nobody, I'm uh I don't belong, and I'm gonna fake it until I make it. Are you kidding me? You know, that's that's not who we are. So I think that that humility, I think some self-awareness on who I am and who I'm not and how God made me is is second, and then surround yourself with like-minded kings, right? People who are good and noble, who have have a gross mindset, who want to lift others up and they're not threatened by competition or all the all the nonsense the world is throwing at us.

SPEAKER_02 25:51

I love that. I love that. I love this. This is an amazing conversation, and to everyone that's listening and watching again, I'm gonna invite you to do like me and go back and watch this again or listen to this again. This is one of those replay conversations because David is spitting out the gems right now, and we really need to take this in so that we can change and enhance our leadership. As we turn the corner on this conversation, I wanted to ask you this question because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, David, that there are leaders that are listening and watching that have more questions, but not just a question for you, for themselves, and still feeling just a little unclear. So, for the leader that is listening, who feels unclear about their identity or they're unclear about their direction, what is one practical step that this leader can take this week to start with who and lead from a stronger foundation?

SPEAKER_00 26:47

Yeah, so I'll how about this? I'll tee it up this way. Um, I one I'm writing a book for dads called The Guardians of Grit, and I asked my buddy Dr. Andy Garrett, I said, What's the number one job of a father? So this will speak to what you're saying here. It's not what I expected. You know what he said? The number one job of a dad is to remove as much uncertainty as possible. I was like, what is that? Like, really what? Well, the more you read into it, right? Well, what does a uh a son or a daughter need? They need to know dad is he's got my back, right? He's protecting me, he loves me. I am the object of his delight. He is he is never leaving. He's like just a ton of certainty. So I think that um in in the uh a leader needs to start removing uncertainty in in your own heart and mind, and that starts with values. That starts with what do we talk about core values. What is your core, right? What does your soul happen to value most of all in this life? And you know, I mean again, we walk people through all that. So I would say that that removing uncertainty is absolutely the goal. I mean, you need to understand, man, this is the bedrock I'm standing on, this is the lens at which I'm making decisions through. And when we don't, and we will every day, by the way, right? There's no utopia here. I'm gonna make poor decisions today. But what? I'm gonna course correct.

SPEAKER_01 28:13

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:14

But if I don't know what I'm course correcting to, I'm gonna go from one ditch to the other. And I need to know what that plumb line looks like, and I had I need to have a description on it so that when I say my core values are you know God, inspiration, wisdom, community, and impact. And actually, I I threw beauty in there, number six. But it's you know, I'm if if it's not that, if it's if it doesn't revolve around those words, well, I better tap the brakes at the very least. So I think removing uncertainty that seems a little bit, you know, woo-hoo kind of language, but I think it's quite practical.

SPEAKER_02 28:49

I love that. But listen, this has been a gem of a conversation too. Everyone that is listening and watching, we're gonna ask David right now. David, if there are, not if there are leaders that want to find out more and hear more about this, what's the best way to move forward in engagement with you?

SPEAKER_00 29:08

Yeah, you know, so I'm I'll be launching a new website, but right now I'm and you are so kind to mention my music. I I'm I'm so grateful to I live in Nashville and I get to sing at a pretty high level still, and I'm I so enjoy that. But right now, my my main site is David David Osk. It's A-S-K, it's spelled like ask, David Oskmusic.com. And just send me a message there. If I can help you in any way, I will do my best.

SPEAKER_02 29:34

I love it. Transformation station, you know, we like to support our guests. So you see the link on the screen, it's also in the description box. Please go ahead, check the link, look at the resources, reach out to David and let David know that you have seen, that you have heard this particular episode. Let him know what has resonated with you and ask more questions because we know the community that learns together grows together. David, it's been wonderful to have you with us today. Thank you so much.

SPEAKER_01 30:02

My pleasure. Thanks for having me.

SPEAKER_02 30:04

Absolutely. Well, listen, today's conversation reminded all of us that leadership clarity begins within. When we as leaders are grounded in who we are, we lead with greater confidence, consistency, and impact. And if this episode encourages you, then I want to invite you right now to take time this week to reflect on the identity and the value shaping your leadership. As always be sure to subscribe to Janet Way to Station Leadership Podcast episode with someone you know who is committed to growing as a leader and continue building leadership. Listen until next time. I want you to remember leadership does not begin with what you do, it begins with who you are as a good thing.